Secrets and Lies By: Vanessa Kingsley

Secrets and Lies

By: Vanessa Kingsley

Can you feel the remorse course through your veins? In the pit of you stomach it lies there and settles causing you despair.
That intuition I had was vague and sadly correct. My capitulation hangs in Purgatory, liberated, I guess, from the onslaught, that you've caused to the world around me. It was all under false pretenses that you were even here. Laughing, smiling, whatever. It was only now that I realized you inarticulate every word and every sentence that you spoke. I could understand but only a little so that I let it go and did not care to venture any further beneath the surface of the lies and secrets that you held deep below the water. Next time I'll be more careful and listen and read and fight. But this time it's not worth it. Most of my energy is drained and all of my sanity is gone.

Running By: Vanessa Kingsley

Running

By: Vanessa Kingsley

I'll keep running.
No stopping.
No walking.
I'll keep running.

Take a step.
Take a breath,
Take a leap.
Get off your feet.

I keep running.
From you.
From the lies.
From the truth.

I keep crying.
Because of you.
Because of the lies.
Because of the truth.

The wind is hard and cold.
My lungs are on fire.
My body screams to stop.
But I keep running.

I feel my head become light.
I keep running.
The blood is pounding through my veins.
I keep running.

My throat is hard and raspy from screaming.
My hands sore from punching the wall.
My soul vanishing.
My life crumbling.

I try and keep running.
From it all.
I keep running till I get to my place.
Till I can cry like I want to
Scream like I want to.
Sleep like I want to.
Fight like I want to.
Be me.

I push.
I run.
I scream at myself.
I can't move.

The pain hasn't kicked in.
I lay against a tree sobbing.
I want to run.
I want to run

With effort I pick myself up.
And I run.
I'm going to kill myself.
The more I run.

Faster.
Faster.
Faster.
Faster

The more I die.
Die.
Die.
Die.

But I keep running!
Destination is close at hand.
I can smell the sea.
I can hear the waves.

In my mind I see it all.
In my mind I remember all.
And I run harder.
Faster.

Quickly my feet pound the ground.
The pain is seeping through.
My calves feel like they're ripping apart.
My bones feel like breaking.

My lungs are huge in a tiny ribcage.
They feel ready to give in.
My heart is slowing.
The blood is stopping.

I reach the water's edge.
I fall and cry.
Physical pain.
Emotional pain.

Mental pain.
It's all I feel. Pain.
Pain.
Pain.

But I need to keep running.
What's the point though?
Images and words and memories play like a broken DVD player.
Karma laughs in my face.

Faith looks down on me with sympathy.
God who knows what he does.
Why do I still believe?
Why do I still hold on?

Nothing but Pain will it bring.
Nothing but disappointment will I have.
Nothing.
Nothing.

The water washes away the pain.
Night quickly falls.
I walk (why not run) to a place I'm familiar with.
I sit in that familiar place.

I work to get warm
I change my clothes.
I watch the stars shine over the ocean.
I don't have to run right now.

But I will keep running.
Maybe I'll stop for a breath.
Maybe I'll walk and enjoy the absence of pain.
But I'll keep running.

From you.
From the pain.
From the truth.
From the lies.

From everything.

Rivers Flow By: Vanessa Kingsley

Rivers Flow

By: Vanessa Kingsley

  So much green
Everywhere
I write with pencil
To create permanent with pen
Blue black ink bleeding on my page
Bo one wants a broken heart
But how can it break if it was never fixed?
Broken hearts hurt
Though they make you stronger
Let it flow
Away from you into an empty space
Into nothing
Don't carry around the baggage
And learn to forgive

Release Me By: Vanessa Kingsley

Release Me

By: Vanessa Kingsley

  You say I can be anything and do anything
Then you turn around and confine my mind
Erase my thoughts
Shatter my dreams and make me blind
It's my fault, though, when I find it hard to succeed?
Somehow I'm not trying my hardest to be what I want to be.
I'm supposed to wait for instructions from you?
I'm supposed to do what you want me to do?
No.
I won't stand for it.
I'll keep thinking that there is no limit.
Because if you restrain my mind,
What is there left to think?
If you restrict my dreams,
What is there left to be?
If I follow in your footsteps
I'll lose all of me
Instead of asking what's wrong
Ask me what's right
And I'll explain it to you in the light of night
Don't erase my thoughts
Or try and cage my dreams.
Let me be what I need to be
Do not tie my hands
Or leave me in the sea
Just let me walk my path and start to think and see.

A Life Half Lived By: Mark R. Slaughter

A Life Half Lived

By: Mark R. Slaughter

A life lived in fear
Is a life half lived.

If only you would dare - or do!
A flagrant kiss of challenge on the lips
- then on to tongue -
Will help undress the man,
So you may feel the dawn
Caress your waking self:
The blush of latent pride will
Place the cold of low-esteem
Upon the shelf of also-rans.

You'd shine! -
In oestrogenic ways that
For the moment hide beneath your skin,
Deferring yet again a shaking breast
From androgenic hands.

Involve your glands upon a whim -
Finger up a risk or two;
Stroke a chance to share with him
Atop a forward you!